Relate I, On Ships.

It is important for us to keep Huey, our dog, supplied with bones.

If we do not make sure of this, with very little doubt he will lose his mind and chew on something that he knows he ought not chew on; something that he is aware he will be thoroughly shamed and chastised over, should he indeed violate that thing with his jaws (and Huey is deeply averse to shame).

This is the nature of our relationship with Huey. It requires forethought on our part, because Huey is not much for controlling himself, God love him. He's sort of binary.

Anxiety = Chew on something.
Error: Bone not found.
ENSUING PANIC = Ethan's shoes: THE ONLY HOPE

I try not to overly fault Huey for this (although I did pursue him around the house with my gnawed-upon shoe, literally making him flee the overwhelming shame). He's a dog. And our relationship is pretty typical of human-dog relationships. I don't anticipate Huey really understanding why he shouldn't chew on my shoes. I anticipate that it is my responsibility to understand Huey's needs/deficiencies, my responsibility to make this co-habitation work the way I think that it should. Because he really can't communicate with me. And I really can't communicate with him.

After all- we're different species. There are limitations.

I don't think human relationships should work this way, but I think they usually do.

In a lot of ways. With good and bad intentions.

But I think it's weird. And I think we need to stop.

There's an anticipation that communication is not going to work (also: what the hell is communication?). An anticipation that true explanation of motives/desires will result in confusion/offense/rejection, from both sides. So relationships become a guessing game, a charade, a constant tension of trying to be what I need to be, in order to get what I want to get. 

Also: give what I need to give, in order to get what I want to get.

These are all functional means of relating. It's a barter system. And if you're lucky, you barter with people who have good stuff to trade, and you personally have good stuff (affection, humor, influence, excitement, amateur-blog-writer-insight).

Definitely my game.

But the barter system just ends up as usury. Even willingly-contracted usury. Profitable business transactions, mutual usefulness.

But never love. By definition, love is not self-seeking.

No captain ever sent a ship full of goods to another nation's port, offloaded the valuables, and was like, "No charge! It's a gift!"

Or if he did, it was a gift with some sort of ulterior motive. It was to curry favor, influence, affection, preference. It wasn't just because he really loved the people at that port and wanted them to reap the benefit of his goods, even if they didn't thank or appreciate the captain. Even if they didn't appreciate the goods.

We're all captains. We all relate to one another via ships laden with cargo.

I guess the question becomes: can we afford to share our goods, freely?

Also: how?

Further: from whence do our goods come?

Not all of you have an Aberlyn. I know this. Figuring all of this out is more and less difficult, because we're interacting with different captains. And it's more and less difficult because some captains are also pirates. Or they're conniving. And by them, I also mean us.

I know we have layers, relationally. I know there is some kind of difference between what I possess (material goods, talents) and who I am (thoughts, feelings, experiences).

We're not invulnerable. Neither invincible. Our humanity puts very meaningful limits on us.

So, again: from whence do our goods come?

I do not believe there are flat answers to these questions. I ask them because I am finding they are the questions that make relationship meaningful.

I've been able to skip these questions for a long time because I've been stringing myself along with pornography and selective memory. One disconnects and numbs (so you can be whatever you want), the other reinterprets reality at will (so you can tell yourself and others whatever story sounds best).

But if you really are fully-alive (feeling and thinking), then how do you live with humans? Who gets access to you? And on what basis?

How do you approach others? Do you assume your own trustworthiness?

Do you feel obligated to assume theirs?