Day Twenty-Nine: Back to Work!

It will probably come as no surprise that I stopped blogging as the stress of trying to be clever on a daily basis finally defeated my frail wit and sense of commitment. Not for the first time, certainly; and not likely for the last.

I begin again, on this twenty-ninth day of my journey toward the Indefatigable.

To spare you a recap, know this- we still haven't won a game. But we just started a new season. And the future is beginning to ripen with promise. Promise I say!

So before we go any further, the report for today!

The Fatigue:
20 minutes of touches on the ball
(I discovered that the paved surface of my alley is a much better training ground than my own heavily root-ridden and sloped backyard. I discovered this ante-stepping-in-huey-poop, but a valuable discovery nonetheless. My garbage toter, as well, turns out to be an excellent target for taking hard shots, which I am in desperate need of improving on.)

3 mile run
(With Aberlyn and Huey. It has been much cooler, and Huey did a lot better. I think the temperature of the asphalt makes a huge difference for him. I mean, if I were running without shoes? I would not be running. Which sort of makes the whole juxtaposition moot, but anywho!)

My touch is improving. I can juggle for fifteen or more consecutive touches without trying too hard. It's encouraging to feel my reflexes not only reawakening, but coming back with a little more brain-connectivity, dare I hope? I am twenty-five now. I was promised more brain power. Promised I say!

I'm about to talk about religious matters. Those of you who desire your brain space be unpolluted, depart! I rant forthwith!

I want to briefly address a really dumb problem that I see.

There are two main places in the New Testament that are used by major Christian institutions to justify making sure women do not get behind a pulpit. Or lead mixed-gender groups. Insofar as they even do not allow women to take "preaching" classes but require "public speaking" to complete their degrees.

Both passages (In Ephesians and Timothy) are heavily laden with cultural implications (women were almost universally uneducated and regarded as property) and personal recommendation (Paul says "I do not allow").

Even if I didn't strongly disagree with how these passages are interpreted from a translational perspective (because I do with the Timothy passage) and an interpretational perspective (which I REALLY do with Ephesians 5), it is shocking to me how these two passages are used to effectively exclude women from the full implications of the most stunning promises and commands that Jesus Christ universally gives to his followers, without any regard for gender or social standing. For example, John 14, where he says,

"Anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing- even greater things than these; for I go to the Father." (so, that definitely includes leading, discipling, preaching to the masses, correcting and confronting "leadership" with the heart of the Father, etc.)

Or how about the Great Commission? Or how about Acts 2? Or how about, I don't know, everything that is implied by the work of Jesus? Specifically-

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

For the first century church, the Jew-Gentile thing was mind-bending. It took another millennium and a HALF for the Church to officially abandon slavery.

I really hope it doesn't take that long for the male-female bit. I really, really hope so.

I am confident it won't.

There is one role to which we are all called- to follow Jesus Christ, and be transformed by his love and example. That example is for both genders. It includes everything.

And that is very good news.

Indefatigable. Let's go.

Day Thirteen: AHHHHHH NEED SLEEP.

It's 10:30pm on a Monday evening and we're waiting for someone who saw our craiglist ad for our old microwave cart to come over and decide if they want to buy it or not.

If they decide they don't want to buy it after being all, "We wanna come see it now!" and making us stay up like this, I'mma be all like,

Seriously. It's already fifteen minutes [scratch that, HALF-HOUR] past when they said they'd be here.

Anyway.

Exercised today! Because yes, I didn't do anything all weekend. Well, I did help smash up tile with a friend Saturday. That was strenuous. And on Sunday I did some boxing practice with another friend. That was strenuous, but mostly fun; we weren't trying to kill ourselves or anything.

The Fatigue:
Fifteen minutes of touches on the ball
[I'm actually getting better. my juggling has noticeably improved, which I honestly didn't expect- because I feel like I juggled a lot in high school but never improved much. maybe my motor skills are better as a twenty-five year old?]
Two mile run
[with Aberlyn and Huey. we were going to run three, but in the 93 degree heat poor Huey pooped out on our way back. I actually carried him for a little ways, and the people at Rally's gave us a cup of water for him. probably shouldn't run in this kind of heat with him again- he is wearing a coat all the time.]

If you didn't catch it, I did a little follow-up on the whole modesty-culture discussion back on Day Nine. If you've got time to waste. It's a really core issue to me, because on one side I find freedom and empowerment for myself (nothing about a woman's body controls my sexuality, because nothing about her body is innately sexual! it's all in my head and heart!) and on the other I find a system of guarded legalism (make sure you don't see a woman in these contexts or with those clothes/lack thereof. that's what leads to objectifying her).

Anywhoozle. I'm going to bed. Wait, no I'm not.

GET HERE, LADY.

Indefatigable. Let's go.

(to bed.)

Day Ten: No Sweat

I didn't exercise today and feel powerfully uninspired about blogging. Imagine how you must feeling after reading that sentence. You should probably find a cat-video. At least then you could laugh about something.

But don't worry- I plan to sleep it off.

Indefatigable. Let's go.

(is anyone else getting sick of my catchy tagline?)

Day Nine: Pay No Attention To Missing Day Eight

While officials insist that the investigation is still on-going, a source familiar with the information reports that the primary suspect in the case of Missing Day Eight is, in fact, Day Seven. When pressed for details about what a potential motive might be, the source commented:

"We know from other cases involving number sevens that they can be cannibalistic. It's possible Day Eight fled or was a victim of foul play. I think we all remember how not too long ago, in a different string of numbers,

seven ate nine."

...

Man that was painful. But I wanted it so bad!

No, yesterday disappeared because I did other writing projects. But now, I'm back!

A brief update on exercise-

The Fatigue:
15 minutes of touches on the ball
[like it sounds!]
5 minutes of jump rope
[it sucked!]

I really want to, you know, win a game. Eventually. Sooner rather than later. And there was at LEAST one moment in the game on Tuesday where if my touch and speed had even been incrementally better, I had a goal in the bag.

Anywho!

The response my last blog received really caught me off guard. I actually got really nervous because Aberlyn called me while I was still at work and told that a lot of people were reading it. Thanks for the emails, comments, and all that; the encouragement and criticism are both really appreciated.

I'm working on a follow up, one that is a little more personal and specific about the effect of modesty culture in my life and my thinking, and demonstrating why I believe it is a significantly broken system of belief and practice.

But a friend brought up a really good question about the scientific/biblical basis for my statement about nothing about skin being inherently sexual. I wanted to clarify that point:

On the biblical basis, Jesus made it really clear that adultery happens within a man's heart. It's not about the woman. It's not about what the woman is doing, that's not why the man lusts after her. Even a woman working as a prostitute is appealing to sexually broken men. Healthy men do not respond to a prostitute's advances, nor are they tempted beyond their control, because they know and wholly believe that nothing about what she is offering will satisfy them, and she is not their's to sexualize- even at her own invitation.

Any of the girls who have been violated and/or raped while fully and "modestly" clothed do and have testified to me that the way they dress has zero power to control or influence the behavior of men. Because in the hearts of men who struggle with sexually objectifying women (or rather do not struggle, but happily give over to objectifying women, which is often the case), the woman is already a sexual object. Those areas of her body are areas that, in his heart, he is already prepared to engage with in a sexual context in his own mind and, at times, through physical action.

The idea that something magical happens to a girl's skin between age ten (where no man should look at her tummy or chest or butt and sexually objectify her) and age twenty is absolutely baffling to me. The only thing that changes is that because she is "physically mature," men now view her as a legitimate/legal satisfaction for their sexual appetite. And that's why they lust after her, regardless of whether she is wearing a high-collared knee-length dress or her underwear.

Indefatigable. Let's go.

Day Seven: Game Day! and Soapblog?

Kick-off for the game was at 9pm this evening. NINE O'CLOCK, POST-MERIDIAN.

Yeah. I got home at 10:15pm.

I mean, holy COW. Do these schedulers think I'm in highschool? Grandpa needs his shut-eye, ya dig?

Anyway.

We thought we played the best team in the league last week, but, in fact, we played them tonight. Yeesh. But! Though we lost (4-12), we definitely played a lot better. And I, for one, definitely felt better.

Better legs, better lungs. My touches we still a little on the sloppy side, but I think part of that is still adjusting to indoor turf. The ball just moves so fast, and so easily. The necessary force for a touch in outdoor is just way overkill on astro-turf.

But I am adapting. And I definitely wasn't in as much pain at the end of the match tonight I was last week.

It's encouraging, all round. And I'm all about finding encouragement. That said, I've still got a looooong way to go if I'm headed for my former stamina.

And that's definitely what I'm headed for.

And now, for something entirely different.

If you're like me and spend too much time on Facebook, you've probably seen the bikini/one-piece debate being trotted out yet again. I've resisted getting in the fray for a long time. But now I have my very own soapbox! My blog!

A soapblog, if you will.

So.

Personally, I reject a culture that seeks freedom for one sex (men from lusting after women) by restricting the other (women from baring their midriffs and shoulders so men won't be tempted to objectify them).

Objectification happens inside my head. It happens because of what's in my heart. We could make all women wear shorts and bathing suits with straps over the shoulders and men who struggle with lust would not be ONE INCH closer to freedom, while yet another generation of women would be indoctrinated with the lie that there is something inherently different about their bodies, and that difference is inescapably and constantly an object of sexuality.

God did not make the person of a woman or any part of a woman as something that men naturally look at and think of sex. That is a learned pattern. I am not describing attraction. I'm describing sexualization.

There are men who look at eight-year-old girls (and boys) and want to have sex with them.

But we know the children are not to blame. There is something deeply broken inside of the pedophile fueling that unhealthy, twisted fantasy.

Yet somehow, if a man lusts after a physically mature woman and objectifies her, that woman shares responsibility.

There it is. The beating heart of this broken concept of sexual identity. We believe that after a certain age, women's bodies become sexual objects that they must adequately cover, lest men lust after them. Once they have boobs, they share in part of the blame if a man is struggling to control his appetites. Particularly if she is being "provocative."

Anyone feeling crazy yet? I feel crazy.

There is something deeply broken in most men, and it goes to the heart of how they seem themselves, their desires, and the women around them.

I firmly and completely believe it has NOTHING to do with the amount of skin a woman is showing.

In one conversation that I was reading, someone tried to make an analogy about how we wouldn't have whiskey at an AA meeting, and for the same kind of reason shouldn't have girls dressed in bikinis around guys.

In my opinion, that attitude unintentionally but precisely articulates why so many guys seeking sexual purity do not find it, and why so many girls are constantly ashamed of themselves. That attitude affirms a broken, hopeless identity for both sexes. Namely- guys are powerless to control their sexual appetites for women, and women are objects for men to satisfy their sexual appetites with.

This is rape culture. Men can't, at a core basic level, resist women. Women can't be something more than sexual to a man.

We recognize this is not what Jesus says about us, right?

But moving forward!

I believe that everything about this conversation is centered on a lie about our identities. And rather than affirm our real identity, and thus the identity of everyone around us, much of Christianity is mired in pointless, empty attitudes about "purity" related to how much skin a girl is showing.

There is nothing inherently sexual about skin. That is learned.

Church culture forcing girls into wearing one-pieces in no way helps with my struggle. To the contrary, it distracts and frames a false struggle.

My struggle is not against seeing that girl as a sexual (or any other) object. My struggle is to understand who she is to God. Who I am to God. And what God is really like.

Can we stop the bullshit about the rest of it? Maybe guys can actually be helped and girls can stop feeling like there's something inherently sinful about their bodies; that they're always in danger of making a guy lust after them.

Both sexes deserve a lot better. Jesus made us so much more powerful and free than a debate about square-inches of clothing.

Indefatigable. Let's go.

Day Six: Uphill Clawing

Nothing thoughtful, but I did sweat today. So, there's that.

Actually, it was a pretty sweet Labor Day. I spent all of it with Aberlyn, and that was awesome.

And tomorrow is game day! First opportunity to meaningfully measure some of my recent effort.

The Fatigue:

3 mile run
[not breath-taking, but it was strenuous and healthy. perfect set-up for tomorrow]

Indefatigable. Let's go.

Day Five: Hardest Day Yet

Why?

Because today not only did I not exercise without legitimate excuse, but I also cannot for the life of me think of anything interesting or meaningful to say.

Which equals DOUBLE fail.

Typically when I fail, I have the instant urge to lie about it in some way. Embellish, distract, distort- whatever. Even now, when the only actual consequence of said "failure" is the most negligible social form imaginable (like, seriously dude. your blog is not even a blip among BLOGS. that's how low on the importance scale we're talking), I'm still fighting the urge to make something more of it.

I just spent an hour trying to write a little on here about my struggle with telling the truth, but I just couldn't handle it.

Lying is just trying to control the world because I'm scared of what people will think about me and I want to control what they think about me.

That sort of sums it up.

Thanks for reading. Tomorrow, I'm gonna get sweating done, and write something thoughtful.

Indefatigable. Let's go.